Change is inevitable.

I don't know when I became so indiscreet.

Before college, I was often told that I resembled the girl who seemed to have it all. Good grades. Great friends. Impressive resume. I was the ambitious overachiever, the social butterfly everyone knew, the independent woman trapped in an adolescent's body. I was able to juggle AP/accelerated classes, community college courses, leadership positions in several extracurricular activities, three jobs, and a social life. I never really had to try too hard in school to get good grades--they sort of came naturally to me. I never had to study too much to do well on my exams. In fact, I rarely, if ever, studied for anything. If I did, I would simply reread the material the day prior to my exam. Call me crazy, but hey, if it works, it works. Halfway through high school, I thought I was already prepared to be a college student. But boy, was I wrong.

I never expected to struggle with keeping up with my schoolwork. Usually, when I fall behind, I pick myself back up and get right back on track, regardless of how much stuff is going on in my life outside of school and work. But I feel like it's as if I've dug myself too deep and there's no hope of digging myself out. Panhellenic rush handed me the shovel, but it was all of the extracurriculars I decided to partake in that got me to start digging. I've spread myself too thin--something I've done my entire life. Being a part of LHSP, UROP, SHEI, VSA, APO, DMUM, and BPA, on top of 16 credits, is fulfilling yet excessive and difficult to manage. It doesn't help that three of my four classes are reading based, assigning massive chunks of readings every night along with additional assignments. I know I should consider dropping a few clubs, but honestly, I just don't know how. It's simply in my nature to get involved with everything I'm interested in. And like they say, habits, good or bad, are hard to break and hard to form.

I've always been a busy bee; I absolutely hate being unproductive. That's why I never really cared for television shows or movies--I always had places to go and people to see. But being in college, constantly being surrounded by your peers is the difference between high school and college. In high school, I lived with my family, as the rest of us did. I drove everywhere, and I saw my friends when it was convenient for both parties. But here, we all live with one another. We walk everywhere, and we see each other 24/7, whether we like it or not. It's no wonder that I'm having such a difficult time keeping up with course materials.

To be frank, because of my time spent here at the University of Michigan, I feel like I've developed ADHD and learned to love dawdling. Okay, maybe not love, but learned to accept procrastinating far more often than I once did.

Am I where I would like to be in my life right now? Not quite. But I don't necessarily regret the way things turned out. It all happened for a reason. Maybe that reason is a reality check. A wake-up call to show me how, with just one decision, my life could either turn out to be really great or really awful. For now, I'm going to do the best I can to end the semester strong. I'm going to try to divert my attention away from the external influences and keep my eye on the prize. Next semester, I'm going to do all it takes to stay on track and narrow my interests to what truly matters.

As a friend once told me:

"Life changes every minute of every day. You lose and you gain friends. You realize your friend wasn't ever really your friend and that person you used to hate can make a really good friend. You look for love. You find and you lose love. You realize all along that you've been loved. You laugh, you cry. You laugh so hard that you cry. You do this, you do that. You really wish you hadn't done that. Your learn from that and are glad you did it. You have your ups and your downs. You see good movies. You see bad movies. You wonder if your life is just one big movie. You look at others and wish you were them. You then realize who they are and are glad that you're you. You love life. You hate life. In the end, you just find yourself happy to be living life, no matter what's thrown at you."